My Two Year Old is a Terrorist

Why You Shouldn't Keep the Fish Bowl near the Cherry Tomatoes

2010-01-05T21:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, so even though I knew I would pay for it later, when Daddy got home, I went for some much needed therapy: Hobby Lobby. When I go to Hobby Lobby by myself, I walk around for at least an hour with a smile plastered on my face. Can't help it. Heaven. But, I digress. I come home, Daddy heads out, and I survey the damage. I see the cherry tomato seeds on the counter. Sigh. I see the excessive amount of fish food floating at the top of the fish bowl. Aaugh. Better scoop out the extra food so the dumb fish doesn't eat itself to death. But then: the masterpiece of the day. Yes, Gaby stood on a chair squeezing cherry tomatoes into the fish bowl. Why? " Becauth." In case you are wondering, the fish has lived to see another day.

Dec 09

2009-12-27T19:46:00.001-08:00

BIG SISTER LILY AND GABY

When Santa asked Gaby what she wanted for Christmas she looked at him and said

"Mickey Mouth Clubhowth. Come inthide iths fun inthide!"

GABY AND HER MAN

GABY IN THE BOUNTHHOWTH

GABY AND DADDY

It has been too, too long, and I am getting complaints! So I will try to recount some of our recent Gaby moments.

Earlier this month Lily was fussing while I was brushing her hair. Gaby looked at her with this deadpan expression and said "Lily, rub thum dirt on it."

We were at LaMadeline not too long ago, and ran into a friend. Both girls were standing next to me while I chatted for a few minutes. (She was sitting down eating.) I realize that Gaby is not standing with us (which is common, to say the least!) and I started to look around for her. I turn around, and she has befriended two older ladies at the table behind me, has taken a seat and is having a conversation with them. Mess.

More restraunt fun: After seeing Santa at North Park, our family always eats lunch. So we are at TGI Fridays, when a family sits down behind us. Grandpa, Grandma, three or four other adults, and a newborn baby girl. Gaby LOVES babies and made a beeline. They were super sweet, and didn't mind. For once she did not try to smother the baby with love, and came back to the table. I vaguely noticed her digging in my purse (which should ALWAYS be a red flag), but was in the middle of a conversation and was not paying attention. She headed back over to the table and I heard laughing (another red flag; see next post) and look behind me. She has taken my camera out of my purse, turned it on, and is taking pictures of the baby. As the grandpa said "She's a pistol."

Dining with Gaby part III: Ok so we are at Joe Willy's and always sit in this one area that has access to the games so that the kids can go play and we can relax and eat. So the kids are going back and forth between our table and the game room, and we are talking to some friends. There is a table of moms and kids next to us, and I hear loud laughing (red flag!) and someone say "Whose little girl is that?" (ULTIMATE red flag.) Well of course it is MY little girl, and she is squatting under their table trying to dig the chewed gum off the bottom of it so she can EAT IT. sigh.

Catch Up

2009-03-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

Gaby's Favorite Hangout

Anytime it is quiet and I can't find Gabs, I check the bathrooms first. Here she has filled the red bowl with toilet water and a little toilet paper for some texture.

How Gaby Eats a Cupcake

She did have some help from Ashy this time.

Lily's Fruit Tree

Pretty creative!

Why Gaby Can Only Have Sippy Cups

Ok, this looks self explanatory, but it really was a spectacular mess. After she dumped her juice box on her tray, she pulled her arm out of her sleeve and dipped it repeatedly in the juice. Then she flung in around in a circular motion, splattering juice a quite remarkable distance. The girl has talent.

My Diva

She really fell asleep this way. So cute!

Why I Buy Lipstick in Bulk

Looks like chocolate, huh? No, it is yet another tube of lipstick. Usually she sticks one of her chubby little fingers in the tube and grinds it all the way in. This time she decided to apply it (the whole thing) to her face. She managed to coat everything in my purse with a wonderful glittery coating in the process.

Why My Life Revolves Around Bowel Functions

Ok, so as many of you know, when she was Gaby's age, Lily (age 4), was what I affectionately referred to as a poop digger. She had the ability to, no matter what she was wearing, get her hand in her diaper and pull out a fistfull of poop. Which she then presented to me. This is true. I have witnesses. It continued for several months, and was not a fun phase, as you can imagine. I cried, screamed, yelled and totally lost it on my baby. I had people praying for me. So, you can understand as Gaby neared that age, I was nervous. BUT, Gaby has chosen a different bodily function as her quirky little hobby. She likes to find containers to pee in. She has peed in the wooden step stool, the dog bowl (with and without water in it), a plastic basket, her Dora ride on car, and I have caught her several times with her chubby bottom hovering over the tiny little potty that came with her peepee in the potty doll. This is a picture of Gaby putting her potty seat to some use.

How My Children and Dog Conspire Against Me

Ok, so one of my girls, who shall remain nameless in the hopes she will still speak to me when grown, pooped in the back yard the other evening. Long story. Anyway, (I can sense you are about to judge me) I opted to not pick it up. For one thing, the yard already has dog poop in it, and for another, it is easier to pick up poop when it is dried out. You will soon agree this decision was poorly thought out. Bright and early, Lucy the dog went out to potty. She happened upon the child poop, and ROLLED IN IT. Not just a little. She did the happy-happy-joy-joy-yay-poop! roll in it. SO, I was understandably distracted while gathering bath supplies for dookie dog, and Gaby pushed a chair over to the fish bowl and got the lid off the fish food. I spotted her just in time to prevent her from dumping the whole jar into the bowl, but still had to clean out the fish bowl as Lily screamed that her fish was dying, and bathe the dog out in the yard all before 9am. Sigh.

Day Three

2009-02-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

3:40
Today was a good day! They girls had their Valentine parties at school, and had a great time. One of the only messes of the day was equal to several smaller ones, though. Lily and I made a homeade snow globe at Christmas time out of a pickle jar, a plastic ornament, and LOTS of glitter. So, I turn around in the kitchen, and there is my little destructo, holding it with a big smile on her face. You know those messes that you can see happening before they actually do? Well, this was one of them. But, I barely had time to process that I needed to get the jar from Gabs when it came crashing to the tile. Wet glitter is NOT fun to clean up, especially when it is accompanied by millions of glass shards.

5:02 Pouring juice into her pasta.

5:03 Eating juicy pasta.

Curiosity that could kill a fish!

Day Two

2009-02-11T19:37:00.000-08:00

8:40 We made it through breakfast with no major messes. Then I find my angel (see pic below) in the bathroom. With toothpaste.

On the wall.

And.... it's not really a mess unless it's in her hair.

9:31 I go in the office to check email. The office is heaven for Gaby. She can now open the door unless I lock it, charge in, grab some contraband and head for the hills. Today, she grabbed a pen and made her mark on the office door before I caught her.

9:45 Dog Food. One of her favorite things. She loves to dump it, pour it into other containers, and yes, unfortunately, eat it on occasion. Note the Dora cup, (the container into which she was attempting to pour), and the bewildered dog to the left. Lucy the dog is a slow eater, so it is hard to keep the dog food put up all day. The dark spot on the rug is the water she poured over the dog food just to top it off.

9:55 Finds another pen and draws on self and sister.

11:45 Eats her ice cream cone at old McDonald's using both hand to scoop it into her mouth. (Joyfully!)

6:03 Smashes large valentine sucker on dining room table.

6:11 Where is Gaby? Who opened the bathroom door? LILY!!!! You can't see in the pic, but that would be shampoo all over the tile.

"Life is not fair." - Lily, age 4 (actual quote)

7:20 Gaby is playing in Lily's room, and decides to eat some styrofoam out of a hat box. Swallows some before I pry her little mouth open.

7:23 Lily and I are picking out her clothes for school tomorrow, when I hear a slurrping noise behing me. It is Gaby, drinking the water she has just poured into Lily's vanity. Not sure where the water came from. Probably hoarded it away for just such an occasion.

7:44 While getting goody bags finished up for valentine parties tomorrow, Gaby takes off with a stamp I didn't use in a bag because it has a skull and crossbones. No, that's not lipstick on my sweet baby's face. It is a dead pirate. Gaby does not stop at her face.

This will be super cute with her skirt tomorrow! We've already had two baths today, and mommy does not have the energy for a third.

Day One Pictures

2009-02-11T13:09:00.001-08:00

Raspberry hands.

As you can see from the paper towels, she did try to clean this up herself.

Raspberries in the hair.

Raspberry girl.

Day One

2009-02-11T07:32:00.000-08:00

5:15pm
Gave each of the girls a small bowl of raspberries. Gaby decided to wear hers. See pic.

5:30
Gaby is cleaned up and on the go. I cleared the dishes and put them on the kitchen counter. Apparently too close to the edge, because Gaby pulled down Lily's uneaten raspberries and finger painted the tile with them. See pic.

5:39
Gaby dips comb in toilet and tries to comb Lily's hair with it. Lily is not happy about this.

5:41
Gaby is pulling food out of the pantry.

5:52
Gaby head butts her sister. Neither are happy about this.

6:42
Spills mommy's cup of ice and takes off her diaper. Heads for the hills, and while mommy is cleaning up ice, pees on sister's floor.
While mommy cleans up pee, Gaby comes strolling in with the dog's water dish, complete with water. Heads back to the kitchen to try to pour water into a cup. This is one of said terrrorist favorite pastimes: the transfer of liquid.
While mommy writes this incident down, Gaby is dancing on dishwasher door.

7:12
Gets out of bath, and in the span of 3-4 minutes gets into lip gloss, spills bath paint and pees on the bath mat.

Note: day one's timeframe is only TWO HOURS.

How I came to the conclusion that my two year old is a terrorist

2009-02-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

As you read this you may think I am being harsh. But as you read, you will also come to the conclusion that my two year old is, indeed, a terrorist. She is the cutest, sweetest, funniest, zaniest and one of the smartest little terrorists ever, but a terrorist nonetheless.
Over the past month or so, I have felt compelled to try to document the daily whirlwind of incredible messes, countless paper towels, wet ones, and towels used to mop them up, and an average of two baths and two extra loads of laundry a day created by my Gaby. Just this week, as I thought about the particular messes of that day, I thought, this child is a mess! But more than just a ordinary mess. She wreaks havoc. Major havoc. Lily was a strong willed child. I am used to that. This is more. She doesn't play with toys. She doesn't watch tv. She is on the constant lookout for her next big mess. And she uses her charm and adorable little face to get out of trouble. It is impossible to stay mad at her for longer than it takes to clean up her mess. Thus: she is a terrorist, wreaking havoc, making demands, getting away with all of it.